Sandwiched between a dear friend losing her unborn and my grandfather losing his fight to cancer is the birthday of my sweet sweet baby girl, Galilee. Not sure if I have ever experienced such extreme and opposite emotions during such a short space in time. Death, life, death.
In early morning when her cry woke me, I got the news of his passing. My eyes welled up and I sobbed silently with babe in arms. Resting in the stillness of the morning and nursing this sweet new gift, I watched the light begin to appear and trickle in through the blinds as the Lord brought the sun around to start another day. A new day beginning with death’s sting. A new day, so many of us blessed with another day to live. I couldn’t help but consider this sweet and unexpected life we live.
In a few short minutes I cried tears of joy, then tears of sorrow, then back to joy again. Joy, for this tiny creation in my arms that grew within me and came out through me and now she is a child of mine, a daughter. Sorrow, because death is real, there is no escaping it. For some death comes even before life even begins, while others live long. Either way, it always seems too short. The sorrow felt heavy and deep, so deep. But, it didn’t take over, it didn’t overwhelm or lead me to question His goodness.
I know of God’s goodness. I experience it weekly, daily, momentarily. Me, so small, so insignificant compared to this whole wide world. So unworthy of the gifts I have received and still a man who chose me as his bride, the only one my eyes could see, lays there, next to me. His palm still laying open where it was holding on to mine. Our struggles are real but the Lord’s goodness and grace is bigger.
I know of God’s goodness as I gaze at this child I only just met face to face. Who she looks like? I have no idea, but her features are all heavenly. Me, a mother. Not just of one, but of three magnificent creatures. Little people that call me momma. Oh to wake them right now just to hear them call me that name.
In three days’ time, two lives ended and one has just begun, but God on His throne, in all His glory, is still good. His goodness and grace is all around us. The morning birds chirping to welcome the day, beauty. The smell and heavenly smoothness of this baby’s skin, divine. Family and friends who serve us and give of themselves, time, money, energy this is God’s grace. These gifts given so freely, so frequently.
This is a tiny glimpse of His goodness I have seen but the list goes on and on never ceasing for how can it? His love is too great to contain, it covers the Earth and all who dwell in it. For even if you do not believe in this God I speak of, you cannot be untangled from His love weaved around us and through us. He is what brings us to each day, His hands pumping our hearts and holding our bodies together.
This mix of emotions, sorrow and despair turned with joy of life, it does not lead me to doubt. For I have seen Him turn ashes to beauty, brokenness to restoration, bring life to a dead soul. Half of my life knowing Him and I have seen Him prove trust worthy time and time again.
Never does it all make sense, as adult ways are foreign to toddlers. Why can’t they run wildly and freely in the road? Or eat gummy bears and candy rather than meals? It tastes good, it feels good, both are pleasing to a toddler. But there are things toddlers do not know and cannot understand.
The Lord is infinitely wise and all-knowing and so we can trust His plan. Suffering is never meaningless. It is the sweetest fellowship with Jesus that we will ever know in this life. This sense of loss and death is only temporary because of Jesus.
Through Him, we no longer have to fear death but can rejoice in knowing He is making all things new. We can rest in His grace.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31-32