Sorry You Don’t Approve of Our Child Spacing

View More: http://katieweberphotography.pass.us/youngmaternity2{Katie Weber Photography}

Just taking our regular Harper & Momma morning stroll a couple of weeks ago, when I began chatting with a stranger. We exchanged greetings and she was quick to ask three very common questions I get asked ALL THE TIME LATELY…

When are you due?

How old is your little one?

Oh wow! Was that planned?

As we talked more about Harper and the new baby, this nice lady went on to say things like,

You know there are ways to prevent that from happening?

I only had 1 child because they are just so much work.

Well, at least they’re both girls, maybe they will be friends.

My friend has 2 kids close together and she’s having a horrible time.

She also asked me if I had nursed Harper and then informed that nursing wasn’t really a reliable method of birth control!!! AHH! Of course I went on to share that “planned” or “unplanned” by us, someone always had this little one in mind. I shared how absolutely thrilled we are to have the privilege of parenting two children and hopefully more. Her eyes grew pretty big at the word MORE. Ha ha.

Just this week, Peter, Harper and I were taking evening walk, when we got the same concerned looks, same questions and the same response from another person. This time the lady laughed a little, gave me a I-feel-so-bad-for-you look and told me that I was “really going to have my hands full.” Peter hasn’t experienced this scenario as much I have and he was pretty taken back by this lady’s expression and response.

From the Publix cashier to the post office worker to a friendly neighbor, there is so much judgment and shock just for having 2 kids “so close together.” When I have Joshua with me {the 6 month old I nanny}, I really get some stares! People are just waiting for me to say this pregnancy was an “accident” because only insane people have kids so close together?? I don’t get it.

It’s just so crazy to me that having babies is such a shock. When did children become such a curse in our culture? Who knows what God has planned for our family but we’d love to have the privilege of parenting many children. Yes, they are hard work, they cost a fortune, they ruin things, embarrass you, steal your life away, even make you feel like you’re going nuts at times… ha ha ha!

BUT the hugs, smiles, kisses, snuggles make these things sooooooo worth it. The excitement of their first tooth poking out, watching them take their first steps, teaching them new words, playing silly games with them, having tickle fights, the honor of being called Mama or Dada… I could go on and on and Harper’s only one! There is just nothing else like it in this world. Don’t let cultural corruption and selfishness lead you to thinking that children are a burden instead of a blessing.

Psalm 113:9 He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!

childspacing

At the beginning of this second pregnancy, I would make so many excuses to others, especially judgmental people. I seriously tried so hard to express that we were not crazy. Feeling so insecure and judged I was quick to declare that this baby was an “accident.” I just couldn’t deal with the judgement as I was just as shocked by this pregnancy.

My husband has reassured me many many times on this topic, that no child is EVER an “accident.” Born to a poor family, an unmarried woman, a 40 year old with her tubes tied– No matter what the case, life is never accidental. Now, the thought of calling a baby an accident, is just sick & faithless. I wish I could go back to every person I said that to and tell them confidently, how excited I am to soon be a mother of two precious ones! I would tell them that God planned our family out long before we walked this Earth and that I’m sorry if they don’t approve of our child-spacing. Looks like two girls, 16 months apart is God’s perfect plan for us, The Youngs.

I never expected parenthood to be a walk in the park and I don’t expect it’s going to get easier with two. In fact, I am sure that the next few years with all the diapers, drool, sleep training, potty training, toddler tantrums and other things, life is going to be pretty exhausting. But our parents survived and so did their parents and the parents before them. Parenting is not a new thing and when you think of the billions of people in the world, be reminded that someone kept them alive somehow! If all those mommas and daddas can do it then so can we!!!

So, I will welcome all that is to come with two precious daughters… the late night feedings, the early morning snuggles, the dark circles under my eyes, the soggy drooled-on shirts, the meals to prepare, the books to read, the breast milk bags to fill, the extra bum to keep clean and the loads and loads and loads of laundry I will be doing for the rest of my life!!

Why? Well because their Creator calls them a blessing and because through parenthood God will mold me, break me, change me, stretch me and grow me more than I ever knew possible. He will use each spill, each dirty dish, every late-night feeding, each smelly diaper, and every exhausting day to make me more like Christ.

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

So thankful for the honor and privilege to be called a mother.

She brings so much joy to our lives. Praise God for this miraculous undeserving gift.childspacing2

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32 thoughts on “Sorry You Don’t Approve of Our Child Spacing

  1. I’m getting the look/comments ALL the time. Especially when they hear that it’s our third boy 😉 I’m thankful that God has given me peace that He has a perfect plan for me as a mama of three {boys}. Love you Molly!

  2. Amen! Sorry you feel judged. Praise God for the blessings of your children! Everything you do as a parent will be questioned by others, discipline, sleep training, feeding, birthing…. So of course it’s no shock that this is too. Put that tough skin on and remember that your identity is in Christ. Tell everyone that you are doing the world a favor by having more sweet and beautiful babies!

  3. I’m so happy you wrote this blog! No one should judge but unfortunately they do. Just because either they are jealous that u can do it or they r just nieve. Being a mother is like nothing else in this world. I myself think how crazy it would be for our family to grow right now because it is very difficult. But there is a plan for everyone and what is in store for your family will be. I congratulate you and your family it will be rough but u can do anything! Enjoy all te struggle it keeps us alive. Love you and my 2 gorgeous nieces! Can’t wait I meet them both!

  4. First…Harper is PRECIOUS!!! Second, I don’t know why people feel the need to express their opinions. They are just that, their opinions. You know and fully trust that God has a plan for your sweet family and you inspire me by how well you display that trust in your lives! Love to you!

    • Thanks Melissa! God is really so good and we are so thankful to be blessed with babies. Children bring so much joy and the work is so worth it! Hope you’re doing well. =)

  5. Love! People easily forget that everyone’s journey is different — and really I think that’s the beauty that God intended. We are all so unique — our personalities, our love stories and our families. Wow, what a creative CREATOR!! yay. <3

  6. Beautifully written Molly! And a wonderful testimony to embracing the duty and calling that God has called upon us a women and His hands and feet in this broken world! Can’t wait to know you as a mommy of two and hopefully many more! 🙂

  7. Hey Molly! I love this post! I get a similar reaction when I tell people my husband and I are considering having a third and my boys are already 4 and 10. They look at me like I have 3 heads and tell me “you don’t want to start over, do you?” So obnoxious! I’m excited for your new little family to grow! Congratulations!!

  8. Such a cute baby! My first two kids are 14 mos. apart, the second 2 are 19 mos apart (2 miscarriages in between #2 and #3), and my last 2 are 17 mos. apart. I had 4 kids in 4 years…

    I remember those looks well! haha.

    Now the kids are: 2-1/2, 4, 5, and 6 years old and I still get looks, but it’s not as much staring anymore. Just “Are they all yours?” 🙂

    Now, I do wish we would have spaced them out a little more, but there are also TONS of perks to having them close in age. There are always going to be pros and cons and you just have to roll with it and focus on the pros.

    My first two boys are best friends… absolutely two peas in a pod and have been since the 2nd was old enough to start playing around 1. The second set are becoming friends more and more, which is fun to watch. When they are in the same activities, they are always on the same team since they are close in age. They are going into school this year and will all just be a grade apart!!!
    They all love the same things (which is good and bad).

    Anyway, good luck to you!

    • Betsy, I found you’re comment very encouraging! Thank you so much for sharing. That’s so awesome that your kiddos are all so close in age. I hope & pray that our girls become best friends as well. We feel so blessed and can’t wait to meet our littlest one here soon!

  9. I had four babies in less than 5 years. As I pondered how to respond to people who asked those questions, I believe God gave me a great response. From then on, whenever someone asked “if it was planned”, I told them, “Yes. From before the foundations of the earth!”
    It had the effect of putting the focus back where it belongs–on God’s hand in all we do and the fact that He is a lot more involved in our “family planning” than we like to give Him credit for.

    • Cheryl, I love that!! I am definitely going to be using that response from now on! Thank you for the encouragement. I pray that we are blessed with 4 babies or MORE!!

  10. Good for you!!! Put them in their place! 😉 My mom got pregnant with me when my brother was six months old and she survived and I was the youngest of six kids.

    I think if that woman had told me that she had only one child because it was easier I would have said sympathetically “Oh….how sad!!!!!! Well, the nice thing is you will have lots of alone time on the holidays when your child is spending it with his or her in-laws.” Lol!

    But honestly, some people prefer it that way. I know some married couples who actually chose NEVER to have children. I can’t even imagine it but they seem to be happy.

    Thanks for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday.

  11. If I had seen you I would have rejoiced with you over 2 precious blessings. We have 7 and I was in your shoes 25 years ago. A friend of mine only has 5 children, when we would go somewhere together you wouldn’t believe the looks and comments. One lady told us, “I’m glad their not all mine”. We told her, “Their glad their not yours either”. Yes, you will be tired, pooped and spit-up upon, worry endlessly and wonder what ever happened to your hips, but it is all worth it!

  12. People are amazing (and not always in a good way) with how they think others should live their lives. I had 3 babies and 1 miscarriage in 2 1/2 years and if God had allowed, we would have had more. I am a stay at home mom and we live on a very tight income, but we are happy, healthy and my kids are bright with pretty good manners. I can’t even begin to count how many rude comments and stares I received while the kids were young and to be honest, I was so busy doting on my kids, I didn’t even notice most of them. You and your husband just continue to do what you feel is best for your family and let all the nay-sayers pass you on bye.

    PS: I found you via New Life on a Homestead blog hop. I will have to come back and read your blog sometime.

    • Thanks for the encouragement Jennifer! I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage– I know that’s a pretty hard thing to go through. Praise God for the blessing of children. =)

  13. Children and families are being devalued and it makes me sick to my stomach. We’ve decided to trust God and not use birth control (unless at some point we feel that is what we are called to do) and honestly, I’m afraid to mention it to our mothers never mind anyone else. The truth is that it is between you, The Lord, your husband, and no one else. Let them judge. You know the true worth of children.

    • That’s so cool Rebecca– I pray God blesses you with many “arrows”! I can’t imagine our life without our little one and I know I’ll feel that way after having each child.
      Psalm 127:3-5
      Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
      the fruit of the womb a reward.
      Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
      are the children[a] of one’s youth.
      Blessed is the man
      who fills his quiver with them!
      He shall not be put to shame
      when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

  14. Well, I love that your babies are close together!

    We are having our 7th in January. Our first two (boy then girl) are 3 whole years apart, and then I have three girls within 3 years, then a two year gap, then 17 mo, and now this gap is 26 mo. The years when the three girls were all under the age of 5 or 6, were really rough. I was getting sick, so I lacked energy. They were always needy, potty trips, getting clothes on, combing hair, etc etc. I had a few years where everyone around me thought I couldn’t do it, that it was foolish to have them that close together. But I was thankful for it. I remain so. The three girls are such a wonderful blessing, and the older they get the easier this gets!

    I am happy to leave the “planning” in the hands of the Lord. He rightly determines when it is a good time, and I do not know the future, neither do I know what is “good”. But I trust Him. I know that He is the one who opens the womb, and closes it in His perfect timing.

    I remember the looks, and comments. One lady, when I was pregnant with number 3, told me “oh you have the perfect American family, a boy and a girl!” when I told her I was expecting again, she said “oh no, what are you going to do about that?!” I stared at her like she was nuts… uhm, I’m going to have a baby! lol… I wonder if she remembers me, I’d love to see her again.

    A few weeks ago one lady said “do you think this world is so nice you should have lots of kids?”
    I said “No, I think Heaven is, and you can’t take stuff but you can take people.” to which she replied “forget heaven! they’re your life now!” Whatever that means! She didn’t make any sense.

    The nice thing was that another younger mom came up to me right afterwards and said how nice it was to hear that, because that was how she felt about children, and she thought she was the only one.

    Keep speaking the truth in Love, and let the world see that God gets the glory for these children, whatever their spacing!

  15. Babies are a blessing! I would take another one whenever God would give us one. Still, I was super terrified to her pregnant very close to my daughter because my friends with babies close together are so stressed. But somehow people survive 🙂 I personally would like at least two years between babies to give my body a break and chance for a more healthy pregnancy. I just had a miscarriage so we’ll see. Kind of just leaving it all in Gods hands right now. I have my preferences, but letting Him make the plan!

  16. I agree that no child is ever an “accident”. Anyway, I am living the opposite, having only one child I get asked all the time about having another. With remarks like “oh don’t leave the poor boy growing up all alone” etc. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. They’ll always find something to say. So just go on living your life the way it is best for you and your family.

    Alex – Funky Jungle

  17. Love this post! I am a new follower and I will be sharing it on Facebook for sure! My first two are exactly 2 years and 1 days apart, and my second and third are 20 months apart. I get a lot of “you have your hands full!” and “you’re brave!” comments. I can so relate to this article. 🙂 Thank you!

  18. I think sometimes people just don’t know WHAT to say, or they don’t realize how rude they are. My kids are spaced a little further apart, but props to you for wanting them closer!

  19. I think this is great thanks!!
    Our 2 girls are 13 months apart and the second was prayed for and joyfully anticipated.
    The ‘hands full’ term seems to be always said. I kinda view it that they want to say something, acknowledge that your different (but is it that different??) but don’t know what to say.
    We have been saved from most of the tackless rude-ish comments… in some way I’m looking forward to them (if God blesses us with more) as maybe I can make it easier for the next larger family that person comes across; if I can learn to respond correctly! MrsMomof6’s response about heaven was brilliant!!!

  20. This is a beautiful, and vulnerable post. Stay strong! Every baby is a blessing, and it will be SO great for your little ones to be so close together as they grow older! Yay! Congrats. 🙂

  21. This is a prime example of why I don’t listen to people! They always want to give their input on how others need to raise their children! Just be the best mom you can be and follow your own heart and silence out those other comments!!!! Your family is yours and I see the love in it!!!
    -AmandaMade

  22. I’m sorry you have to go through all of this. People’s reaction is just weird .I don’t have kids (for now). This is my choice.Never, in a million years would have thought that people can be so rude about someone else’s choice to have/ not to have kids/ when to have kids.
    Bless you!

  23. This is such an important article! I really wish people would just mind their own business. I am so proud of you and your family for ignoring their ignorance. I love your part about no child being a mistake. That’s such an awful thing for someone to ask or say to you. You’re going to just love that bundle so so so much!

    Thank you so much for linking up over at The Ladies Collective! I’ll be pinning this to our Pinterest board! We hope you come back next Wednesday and show us what you’ve been working on!

    Stephanie @ http://www.mommyzoid.ca

  24. I’m sorry that you were met with unkind responses to your oh-so-blessed journey in motherhood for the second time. I, personally, really do have a hard time wrapping my head around mothers who have children so close together, because I just couldn’t imagine myself having another little one yet (my son is two) or possibly ever. I would never ever allow my own feelings about having more children to overrule the decisions of another mama, though. I think other women are so strong and so blessed to have children close in age. There are so very many pros to having children close in age!

  25. I absolutely love this post. I have a 6 month old and my husband and I are planning to start trying when he is 8 months old. Imagine the looks we get when we tell people this. But, we love being parents and we cannot wait for another little one. Having kids is just plain exhausting whether you have 1 or 4. I am just planning on being tired for about a decade and I am okay with that because I love being a mom! Thank you for this post.

    • That’s awesome Brooke! I had some friends that started trying when they’re first was about 8 months. Now they have 2 baby close together and they love it! The first few months are hard because you have two babies but as they grow it gets much easier!!!

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