The Perfect Parent.


perfect parentWhen Harper was only a few months old, I accidentally nipped her skin while CAREFULLY cutting her teenie tiny fingernails. I, her own mother, caused her itty bitty flawless little finger to bleed. She cried hard and I cried harder. It was the first time I had caused her pain and my heart crumbled into pieces.

That’s when it hit me. No matter how hard I try, I am not, nor will I EVER be the perfect mother. I am a flawed, and damaged human, how am I going to do this mother thing without also damaging my precious cuddle bug?

The truth about my brokenness as her mother disturbed me, overwhelming me with unsettling fear. There is a 100% chance that I will one day offend, grieve and wound my perfect blue-eyed beauty.

{Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God}

My spirit was crushed with sorrow.

As I began to convince myself of things like,

I will work extra hard as her mother, be extra patient

I will seek counsel from godly parents, they’ll know what to do

I will read books about parenting and get the expert’s advice

As I made this impossible plan to become the BEST parent, one that wouldn’t hurt her child,

God’s truth punch through. Take heart, IT said…

This child WILL have imperfect, defected parents BUT she already has the PERFECT Father who will NEVER hurt her, NEVER leave her and NEVER let her down. Jesus will always fulfill her where we lack. She will ALWAYS have to mourn our imperfects, forgive them and seek him to fill those areas.

{Luke 15:7 Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.}

It all came together, Harper needs to recognize she has a flawed mother, so that she can put her complete trust and dependence in Him. And I need to see that I am a flawed mother so that I can lean on Him and put my full trust and dependence in him.

So even though it breaks my heart to think of the ways I might hurt her and to know that I will let her down and disappoint her, Jesus and His promises to her, bring me HOPE.

I will inevitably sin against Harper but the king will be there to hold her and comfort her and lead her to forgiveness. And the king will be there for me, to convict my heart, to lead me to repentance and to restore my brokenness.

It is so freeing to know that I DON’T have to be the perfect parent because ONLY Jesus can be that. I cannot fill a role that is not mine to fill and striving to fill it will only leave me more damaged and more empty.

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Harper doesn’t need a perfect, godly mother in order to have a fulfilling, joy-filled life. All she needs is the Remedy.

Jesus + nothing = EVERYTHING.


I will allow my creator and lover of my soul to fill me up and give me the strength to parent Harper. And in the areas where I fail, I will point Harper to the one true God and teach her to seek Him.

And for these things I rejoice. I rejoice that Jesus works all things for His good. I rejoice that even though I am such a BROKEN person He can turn my brokenness into beauty and use it to grow Harper into a Godly, Jesus loving woman.

 

I rejoice that even on my worst days as a mom, it will ALWAYS be Jesus’ BEST day as her Father.

God, I praise you for being Holy and Good and True. You are the true remedy and I will forever praise Your name and seek Your face.

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